Order
by cautiousAlbatross
Summary: To John's frustration, the Strider apartment is stupidly messy.


Your name is John Egbert, and your boyfriend's apartment is ridiculously disorganized.

You wake up before Dave, pick your way carefully through the web of wires on his bedroom floor, which you think must constitute a serious trip hazard, and go into the tiny bathroom. You pull a face at the puppet hanging in the shower, take it down and chuck it out of the door. These puppets are beginning to seriously creep you out, and you wonder how the Striders can stand them. You think you'll probably end up having nightmares about them.

Checking that the bathroom is now a puppet-free zone, you grab a towel, slip out of your pyjamas, then jump in the shower. You're just rinsing the shampoo out of your hair when a puppet drops out of the ceiling. You scream, leaping backwards into the shower door, knocking it open and bruising your shoulder. Falling against the sink, you bang your elbow, and your leg hits the rim of the toilet. Cursing, you pull yourself to your feet and turn the shower off. You pick the puppet up, give it a distasteful look, and put it on the toilet. The floor, your towel, and your pyjamas are completely soaked. You wring the towel out in the shower and wrap it around your waist, then decide you'd better survey the damage. You retrieve your glasses, and put them on, then lean down to examine your knee. Already, you can see a large bruise forming on the back of it, and the same goes for your elbow. You can't see anything on your shoulder, but it aches like hell. Gathering up your sopping wet pyjamas, you leave the bathroom to get another towel.

When you do finally find one, you lift a hand to your hair and realise you forgot to rinse out the shampoo. Sighing, you return to the bathroom and rinse it as well as you can in the sink, then towel your hair dry. You return to Dave's room, nearly tripping over a wire, and get dressed, cursing his brother under your breath.

"You're up early," you hear him say, as you pull on your t-shirt.

"I've had a terrible morning," you reply, going over to sit on the bed next to him, and burying your face in your hands, "This place is hell. I got attacked by a puppet in the shower."

"Oh, that was probably meant for me," he says, sounding slightly sheepish.

"And these wires have been trying to get me killed, too," you say, kicking at one and getting it tangled around your foot, "Does your apartment have to be so messy?"

"You fail to appreciate the precise order of the Strider household," he says, sounding sarcastically solemn, "Everything has its place. It's feng shui."

"It's feng annoying," you reply, unable to muster the energy to think of a decent comeback.

Sitting up properly, he leans over and pats you comfortingly on the back.

"Look, I can't do anything about the puppets," he says, "That's all on bro, but we could sort out the wires if you want."

"That'd be good," you say, turning and smiling at him.

"Okay, well," he says, grinning back, "I think we've got a rug somewhere."

"Great!" you say, hopping up.

Rolling his eyes, he gets out of bed, and you follow him through into the living room. Crouching on the floor, he peers under the futon, and pulls out an old, dusty rug.

"Yeah, this isn't going to work," he says, looking at it for a moment then putting it back, "That thing is disgusting."

You nod in agreement, and stand there awkwardly, waiting for his next suggestion.

"Right," he says, standing up, "We're going to buy a rug."

Fifteen minutes later, you're at a furniture store, and Dave is still in his pyjamas. Ignoring the disapproving glares he's getting from the store's employees, he makes a beeline for the rugs.

"May I help you?" one says, appearing next to you as you examine the large pile of rugs in front of you, and giving Dave's bare feet a distasteful glance.

"Yes, actually, we're looking for a rug," Dave says, completely ignoring the implied 'Please leave' in the question.

You glance at the employee's badge, which tells you her name is Sara and she'd be pleased to help you, and think she doesn't look particularly pleased.

"Well, as you can see, our selection of rugs is here," she says, indicating the pile next to you, "Is there anything in particular you're looking for?"

She directs this question at you, trying to ignore Dave's slightly bizarre ensemble of pyjamas, cape and sunglasses.

"A big rectangle one," you say, trying to picture Dave's room and wondering how big it needs to be.

"None of this cheap rubbish," Dave adds, "I'm talking the fanciest rugs you have."

"Right," says Sara, looking seriously sceptical about your ability to afford these rugs, "Our higher priced range is right over here."

She leads you over to a pile of fancy-looking rugs, which Dave stares at appraisingly for a while.

"I'd like to see that one," he says, pointing at one near the bottom.

You give him an exasperated look, wondering why he always has to take the piss.

Half an hour later, after having rejected almost every rug in the pile, Dave chooses one and pays for it. You give Sara an apologetic look as you leave, and she looks at you with a pitying expression. You feel more sorry for her than you do for yourself, although you have to admit that putting up with Dave is sometimes a chore. As soon as you get back to his apartment, he puts the rug down in his room, carefully covering all of the wires. Happily, it fits perfectly, and the geometric red and black print goes with the room.

"Happy?" he asks, and you smile slightly as you notice he's still wearing his cape.

"Yes," you reply, grinning, "Hey, it looks really soft."

You go and lie in it, and he laughs at you as you make carpet angels.

"You dork," he says, still smiling.

"Come try it," you say, "It's really soft."

Rolling his eyes, he comes and lies down next to you.

"Hey, that's pretty good," he says, running his arms across the rug.

"Told you so," you say, rolling onto your side so you're facing him.

He rolls over onto his side too, ending up just a couple of inches away from you, and grins. You grin back, and lift your hand up to the fastenings of his cape.

"Why are you wearing this?" you ask, starting to undo them, slowly.

"Irony, mostly," he says, shrugging, and you roll your eyes.

You finish undoing the cape, and pull it off then throw it away, onto the bed. Still moving slowly, you lift his sunglasses off, and chuck them on top of the cape.

"You should get dressed," you say, your hand returning to his cheek and lingering there.

"You trying to get me to take my clothes off?" he asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Just pointing out you're still in your pyjamas," you say, rolling your eyes and wondering why Dave has to have such a dirty mind.

"Mm," he says, leaning over and kissing you instead.

You let it go on for a bit, because it feels really good, but eventually you decide that Dave really has to shower and put on some real clothes.

"Go," you say, pulling away, and pushing him away by the shoulders, "Shower. Get dressed. Then I'll kiss you."

He pouts.

"That's an order," you add.

"Fine," he says, rolling his eyes, "You're the boss."

You grin as he gets up and goes to the shower, and lie in the soft carpet. You think you could probably fall asleep here. In fact, you're just dropping off, when you hear a scream from the bathroom. You laugh as you realise Dave's bro must have stashed another puppet in there. _This place is ridiculous,_ you think, rolling over and going to sleep on the rug.


End file.
